Reality Check !

PC – vectorstock.com

Reality is defined in many ways by many people. But according to my definition, reality is nothing but just your mental makeup about accepting what is going on in your life right now at this moment. I, sometimes, tend to turn away from that ‘reality’. I’m sure many of us try to do that. We don’t usually accept something going on in our lives whole-heartedly. We mostly figure out ways to turn away from the reality and seek an ‘escape’ elsewhere. We go to happy places, meet happy people and do anything which can take us away from the actual reality. 

But does it really help? 

I don’t think so…because as soon as we come back into our normal life again, all those realities come gushing back to us. They come so fiercely that we often forget everything good and happy. The feelings which we know are true. So, realities of our lives can never actually be neglected. 

So, why not we start accepting the realities? We don’t we just accept the situations or people the way they are? Because we are human beings. Small, tiny creatures in the universe and we don’t have that power to change all the situations in our favor. Neither do we possess the power to change any person. So, why even try? 

As I have written in my previous blog, “Never water dead plants.” We waste 80-85% of our lives’ precious moments in changing a person or making situations livable. But I don’t think we succeed truly. Because a human being can’t be changed by us until and unless he himself is willing to change – not even for better. 

So, in my opinion, rather than trying to change the unchangeable, how about we change ourselves? I am not supporting a total loss of our self-identity, but all I am trying to say is that why should we even consider changing anyone around us? It never ends up doing any good to us…

Personally, even I have tried my level best to change many people. To make them a better son, a better daughter, a better human overall, but it doesn’t work that way. That’s my realization after spending years of my life. Now, when I am 26, I have realized that I have wasted not just years, but the precious time which I could’ve utilized in doing something worthy. 

Even if a person changes 0.01% for you, there are people around who come and say, “Don’t be a puppet in someone’s hands.” 

Yes, I agree that you should not change according to everyone’s needs, but you should at least realize what kind of changes in your attributes will get you a more peaceful and happy life. Being stubborn and just blaming others for what they have done to you won’t get you any good. If you want to be happy and stable, you need to modify yourself according to the environment. For ex., when women get married, they change and modify a lot for their husbands and in-laws. But there is a limit to which they can change themselves. They cannot at once become Seetha from Geetha. That is just not possible. So, in that case, at least the husband or the in-laws should change something within themselves too. But, unfortunately, we live in a society where there are zero chances of that happening. Girls are always taught not to demand or expect anything in return for what they do. And girls readily mold themselves that way they don’t expect anything. But why does that have to be so? 

But it really happens. And it happens because they are open to changes. They accept the reality of life and their present situation and change. 

But that is wrong and totally against your own individuality. The motto of my blog today is just to say that one should accept and know the reality in and out. Changing will get us what and how. Unless, there is a satisfactory answer to this question, changing yourself or others is just as useless and stupid as wearing a helmet while driving a car. 

So, kindly learn to accept the reality and then make changes in others’ and your lives. If the gut feeling says that nothing is ever going to come out of making changes, then my friend, that is the bitter reality which one needs to accept and move on accordingly. 

Think about it !


Stop it right now, Enough!

PC – Speak out against marital abuse.

We live in a society where if you do what everyone wants out of you, then you are perfect material. 

ससुराल में इस तरह बात नहीं करते 

पति से ज़ुबान नहीं चलाते

सास और ननद से डर के रहो

बर्दाश्त करने की ताक़त रखो

Adjust करना सीखो 

धीरे धीरे सब सही हो जाएगा 

सास को माँ की तरह रखो 

पति की हार बात मानो 

But has anyone realised that this is the 21st century and women are no longer dummies now..!!!

Well I may be a bit too personal and emotional while writing this article today, but last night, I had a feeling that my thoughts and my words need to be written. So this piece today is totally autobiographical and inspired from innumerable  true and sad events. 

Nowadays, when I think of my future, i feel that I need to plan my retirement. And my retirement plan is not at all normal as to how I’m planning to settle in my old age… My retirement plan is totally bizarre and anti-social so if someone has an orthodox attitude, then you should probably just stay away from my influence as much as possible.

I’m saying this today after being married for 1 year and frustrated over months… If seen otherwise, my married year consisted of 365 days of total frustrations, innumerable teary nights, uncounted quarrels and an infinite quest for love and support. 

People often told me that I need to see my husband’s home as my own; but what they should’ve thought before saying this is, “Do these people even accept me as their own family?” 

And then there would’ve come the most disappointing answer – NO, and they probably never will… And personally, I don’t even think that any family accepts their daughters-in-law the way she is… They all want changes and adjustments and sacrifices and most importantly, a subject, a property that they can use anytime they want. 

Women are victims of many crimes, but the one crime which is committed in every house is the torture they give to their daughters-in-law. Each and every family will accept their daughters-in-law if : खाना अच्छा बनना आता हो। बदतमीज़ी ना करे।  आवाज़ ना उठाए। ऊँची आवाज़ में बात ना करे।  सब्र रखे , सबकी सेवा करे, और ज़्यादा उम्मीद ना रखे। 

The problem is that mothers have forgotten to teach their sons. Mothers have forgotten to teach them how life changes after you get a wife because – “तू लड़का है तू क्यूँ बदलेगा ? वो अपने आप को बदलेगी इस नए घर के हिसाब से।”

8 out of 10 mothers have this mentality due to which it has become impossible to stay in a joint family nowadays. This attitude and lack of proper upbringing is responsible for nuclear families and marital disharmony between husband wife. 

A couple, which once used to be the best of friends, starts to hate each other because of this kind of attitude of in-laws. Love vanishes totally and the couple gets on the verge of either killing each other or themselves. 

But again, as I said let’s not generalise. This is totally my opinion, inspired by my own experiences.

So, lastly I’d like to just give a short message to all the readers. If you’re a husband, ‘Please wake up and be a man for a change.’ 

If you’re a Daughter-in-law, ‘Do not lose yourself in the race of becoming your husband’s favourite. Trust me, they’ll never be as dedicated as you are. Don’t become a whore for a coward.’ 

And if you’re a Mother-in-law, ‘The girl is the future of your family. Your daughters will go and settle elsewhere, but it’s your daughters-in-law who’ll accompany you in your senescence.Learn to respect them before it’s too late. Because if the girl is tolerating everything, it’s not because she’s weak or timid, it’s because she loves your son. Maybe you can’t digest it. But if she is staying in your family and keeping up with your shit, then don’t misuse her.’ 

PC – google.com

Kindly understand this. I wrote this article semi-autobiographically, but I think we all relate to it somewhere or the other. If anyone is suffering in their married life, it’s my request to all those girls, please stop watering dead plants. 

Think about it !